I have two cats. Both are adorable, orange, long-haired tabby cats, which are widely known as the best, most mellow and sweet, good-natured, adorable, sweetest, mellowest, chillest, coolest, kindest, smartest, most adorable cats on the Planet Earth.
Except for right now. One of them is walking around the house meowing in his eff'd up way, which sounds like a cross between nails on a chalkboard and a--well, wild cat in heat--not that this one knows anything about that. What sound in creation could be more annoying?? I am absolutely powerless to stop it.
(Just for fun, give a cat a command of your choice and then hold your breath and see who dies first.)
I love all animals; the ones who agree to live in my house and eat my food are my children--I'm a little weird like that. I think animals have more inherent rights than many people deserve and I am a humongous supporter of every animal rights group, yes, including PETA, and some may think it's "because" I don't have children, but god, the animals need SOMEONE on their side who thinks they're as important as people, do they not?? So whether I have spawn or not does not enter into this equation. I know too well how dogs and cats take a back seat when the kids come into the picture.
That said, this particular animal is asking for it, big time.
"Reerrrrawwwaaarrraaaahhhhhh," says he.
"What do you WANT?" says I.
"Mrrreeeeeewaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaahhhhh," says the cat.
"Be quiet! You're NOT going outside!" says the patient and kind animal lover.
Pad, pad, pad go the furry paws; swish, swish, swish go the butt and high-held tail. Around the kitchen, through the hall, in circles around my chair and the dining room table, and back to the hall again.
"Weeeehhhhhhhaaaaaaayyyyoooooouuuuuuuhhhhhh," says he, more forlornly than last time.
"Oh for godssake, what IS it?" says I. I follow him downstairs to the cubby where their food bowls live.
Ok, I'm the bad one.
This cat is up for adoption. His name is Twinkie. He looks exactly like mine. You need this cat. I'm sure he's very quiet.
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