A Long-Targeted Goal—Achieved At Last!

I’m so pleased to announce that we’ve done it. Finally, it has happened, just yesterday, in fact—and we couldn’t be prouder or more excited. After many years of trying—and failing miserably (but thankfully not enough to dampen our enthusiasm for trying again), D. and I, together, achieved the unattainable, the unreachable, the heretofore seemingly impossible!

And not a moment too soon, let me tell you. Who knows how much longer we would have had the energy to keep trying? I shudder to think that yesterday’s successful event might not have come to fruition, due to our all but complete and utter exhaustion, not to mention our near-inability to face another round of bitter disappointment.

Oh, the reminders of our failure were everywhere. We saw it in the movies and on television. We read about it on the covers of women’s sex self—improvement magazines in the grocery store check-out line. We took the quizzes and analyzed our results. There was no apparent reason for our constant malfunction. We approached each attempt strategically, even practiced our technique, to time it correctly, to go slowly, to move carefully, and yet—our goal eluded us again and again. And oh! the self-pity! as we constantly heard of other couples’ success, listening glumly as they smugly described how effortlessly they attained that pinnacle of couplehood, about which we could only dream. Were they more worthy, more deserving, somehow better than we? What is wrong with us? we lamented.

But no more! The raw envy, constant disappointment, and bitter frustration we suffered for all those years are now locked in the past, behind the wall that threatened to contain us for the rest of our married life. At last, we are no longer defined by failure. We have done it.

Success! It is ours, and it tastes so sweet!

We made it in and out of Target for less than one hundred dollars. First time ever.